and then our exile

I want to hit myself o'er the head with a mallet. But there is no mallet around and so i shall say blargh instead. Blargh.
You know, i could really enjoy biobiobiologie, if i gave myself a chance? If i had time? if i didn't procrastinate? Yeah.
Finished lastest exam (for now)--i should be happy and able to, um, jump up and down and give random hugs to strangers. Except, for some reason, i'm not. Malcontent again. Impatient. With myself. For not giving myself enough time to actually learn the course before the exam? Or also because i'm feeling like that character in Inkhila/Inqata? And sick of myself, too? Something like that. Actually the biology wouldn't matter if it weren't for the last part.

Maybe i'll stay on campus after Jum'ah and see who's free. i don't think T has classes. Or maybe just come home and clean up. Or go for a walk. You know, i haven't actually been outside for weeks? Since... um... Thursday the 8th? (yesterday to get the mail doesn't count.) And i haven't truly *written* for longer-than-that? and, the last time i read Qur'an (as in, for fun) was much too long ago.. i tried doing so a few days ago, and just, couldn't do it. No inner connect. i've done textbook-work and sat in front of a computer. That's it.
i want my life back.