and then our exile

...what can i tell you, my brother, my killer, what can i possibly say...

Cloaks and daggers at midnight transmute more mundane many-hours of enforc'ed sleep headache and an oscillating fever when the body turns traitor. ("You were never good to me. i try my best, but nothing is ever good enough. i will show you--i will fix everything.")(ha.) Nearly physically functional again, i return to find blogger different; salutes to the person who arrived here after googling "bloody zionist".

Have been getting serious about August-plans--three months! Yesterday speaking at Ph-R-D(!) and missing out on treeplanting and fresh air. i think if i do not get on the move i will soon be a forty-five year old ancient with a roll of fat at the back of my neck. Other recent involves another kind of slight pause, a hesitant withdrawal from various things, people too, on perfectly justified grounds; a pause more of caution than conscience, if my bitterness can find expression. What is, hypocrisy? Even in the secular sense, duplicity to shatter an every shadow. My every shadow? "Fear"? In this irony the fact my fear is foremost of myself is used to justify obliterating any other, as righteous fear, and you know what? It's self-destructive.

Babaji's (Aside: he says women are everywhere in the country, uninhibited, unoppressed. Kissinger, go to the devil.) been bringing out stories of Iran, but now is not for such--instead, of how the state was established. The only contemporary country which might be called somewhat Islamic per se--but Shi'a, at that. (A conversation with "Victor": "dude, Shi'a believe some pretty weird stuff." "Yeah. But atheists believe stranger stuff.") So, need to read on Islamic political theory as proposed by both traditional and modern thinkers. We need a critical mass. Was Iran under the Shah's brutality and Westernization much different than any other Muslim country today? Were people that much more committed? Why? If not, what changed in them that they mobilized?

Canada's "demockracy" is irksome. And not just Canadada.

Anonymous pamphlets on the theme of "all the cool guys have beards. why don't you?" were thrown around a US uni campus, with probable suspects being of the local MSA. i found this quite amusing and so stuck one of the slogans, "make beards not bombs", on as my msn-handle, only to be accused by CaitlinM of being sexist, angry, bitter, and a badger at Redwall. The supposed sexism is doub'ly amusing, as it is a label i myself plaster roundabout. Can i be supported?

More hatchings: two black ones (Emad says to name one Khadijah. :)(Who wants to name the other?). Amazing, that after warmifying eggs for twenty-one days, these emerge--actually, *all* of birth is amazing. Creatio ex nihilo! To think--i have a mother! and a father too! Somehow that just seems totally wow. i'm not talking about gametic meiosis or the physicalsensualsexual processes which lead to such, it's just that it's...alive.

To live in a place where deer bound past a morning window washed through with spring dew or graze in a dusky meadow is a...nae'mah i must break under or vindicate. And oh, God.